Bang..bang… strays

Fed up of strays littering his compound, a senior citizen in his sixties took the drastic step of shooting two stray dogs with his air gun <Senior citizen shoots two stray dogs>

Politicos beware: you never know when some one gets bored with your littering and starts bang..bang…

Note: The guy got a case registered against him under Animal Act for shooting at stray canines….hmm animal act on human….I wonder, when a canine bites a man…which act should it be booked under???


Scissor Hazards…snip snip snip…

Man swallows nail scissors while using them as toothpick

Kong Lin, 27, was cleaning his teeth with the four-inch scissors, when laughing at a joke caused him to accidentally swallow them.

Ha ha ha ha ha..dude, get a life….

Air India steward loses job for refusing to trim moustache

An Air India steward was relieved from duties because he declined to trim his moustache even after receiving official warnings.

Steward with high growth, serving food with a smile….awwww..thats too scary…

Knives, scissors seized at airport

A day before the terminal at New Delhi Airport opened for commercial operations, the security agency recovered 12 knives and some pairs of scissors from the food court that has been set up on the premises.

Bravo…how did these items came in the premises in the first place???

and finally

How To Trim Your Moustache

Some gems from this tutorial:

  • Moustache has been regarded as the symbol of masculinity by people, since ages.
  • While there are a number of ways to stylize a mustache, the basic step for trimming (to prevent it from looking rowdy) remains almost the same.    Rowdy…ha ha..
  • Instructions For Trimming – In order to trim your moustache, you need to sit in front of a full-length mirror.   I just want to trim my moustache..why full length mirror???? thats a suspense
    Make sure to use the scissors conservatively, lest you end up harming yourself. In case you have a pencil-thin or handle-bar mustache, use the razor accordingly and make sure not to end up shaving off the top of the mustache accidentally.  Ahem…..precuations and all…..hmmm

Stayin Alive…..

The Travel Operators For Tigers (TOFT) has announced that they will present “Lifetime Achievement Award” to two tigers, Machali from Ranthambhore and Sundar aka B2 from Bandhavgarh. <Link here>

This immediately throws some questions:

  • Are there tigers left in Indian forests?
  • Why in the world would you name a tigress as Machali…. What the Fish

Whats more amusing is the basis of these awards:

“Machali herself earns as much as a top cricketer or Bollywood actress, and it’s critical to recognise these extraordinary economic benefits that come from saving her species in the wild. She literally provides livelihoods for thousands of people from forest guards to wildlife guides, drivers to hoteliers!” says TOFT founder, Julian Matthews.

I am amused by Mr Matthews comparison of Top Cricketer and Bollywood Actress. Is he inspired by Ms Shetty and Ms Zinta at the IPL in SA? BTW how much tax has she paid…Mr Chidu, are you listening????

Amazingly, TOFT has calculated that Machali has earned nearly US$100 million (48000 crores) for the Economy since she became a dominant resident female in the Tourism zone of Ranthambhore in 1998 as well as bringing up 11 cubs

The latter quality of bringing up 11 kids accentuates her chances of excelling in Politics….how about 1st female Finance Minister????

Like all good stars she even has a Facebook page, has been seen by over 150000 visitors and millions on TV across the globe.

This worries me to no end…as per my limited knowledge Facebook is a Social Networking Site…but I did not know, millions can view it on TV…yes TV….phewwww… we have Sundar aka B2

B2 has sired over 35 tigers, 90% of which lived to adulthood, The sizable majority of tigers living in Bandhavgarh today are his sons and daughters. B2 has been estimated to have earned US$30m over his 7 year reign

You are the man..dude….you rock!!!!!

I am wondering…why did these guys got a Lifetime Achievement Award…Simply because they Stayed Alive????

Wonder and think….

Taliban Marriage Bureau-Beast meets the Priest for a Feast…

Now-a-days Taliban in Pakistan is arranging love marriages <Link here>, this is in addition to their usual responsibility (read KRA) of having a blast or two a day…Wow…but to be eligible for it, the groom has to have a strong background. He should have needlessly killed atleast 20 people, should be expert in ramming bombs at every place around him in short…he should be one among the many F-ing talibs…ohh and well the bride should be any chic…no other criterion required….

This is what in Management Parlance called “Forward Integration”, if no-one in this world is selling you oil, dig a bore yourself…and then sell it to the world.

Well, technology is playing its part too….

“The love marriage aspirants contact the bureau on a fixed telephone number. The Taliban collect their particulars and then contact their families to arrange these marriages”

Amazing…All the marriage bureau across Pakistan (if there are any)…beware…you’ve got competition on home turf called Taliban Marriage Bureau (TMB)

On a tangent, from what limited I’ve read and heard, the sheep and goat owners must be having pretty tough times….Afterall their only source of income and pleasure goes away from them, once a Talib lays his ‘love’ filled eyes on the pretty thing…. all courtsey TMB

Harbhajan Singh, sold….

Harbhajan Singh has sold the rights to his name…<Link here>

Going  ahead, the firm could merchandise the name “Harbhajan” in various fields and sectors.

I question:

  • Will Dhoni have to pay royalty every time he says “Well bowled Bhajji”?
  • How about the dim-witted commentators…all their remuneration will be spent on just talking about him, 6 times an over.
  • Will Patiala Peg change its name to Bhajji Peg?
  • My favorite News Channels would have their hairs turning Grey at this news…What will  they now call their over-the-top drama programs on Turbanator, hosted by the 12th-man cricketer-retired-turned-cricket expert???

If the merchandising plan takes off and they really start having products by his name…I shudder at the thoughts of

Bhajji brand Chaddi, Harbhajan beedi, Lets have a Bhajji pint, Tandoori Harbhajan, Harbhajan Readymade Stores and Cut-piece Centre, Bhajji Volvo…….Harbhajan hair cutting Saloon (with all apologies)……

Sunny Deol Bailed out

At last Sunny Deol has been granted bail  after 12 years in a  case. The news report says that he was charged for “allegedly entering a platform without permission and pulling a train’s emergency chain during shooting of a film”

Emergency chain… I mean You pull the chain and then the emergency brakes kick in….

As per the complaint “when the train was about to leave the station, unit members pulled the emergency chain and the train had to wait for additional 25 minutes, affecting the service on the sector”

Did you notice the delay…25 min..just 25 min…thats f-ing right time in IST….

Hey by that logic, I have seen Sunny Deol movies all my life…and they have delayed my senses-affecting my nervous system, my digestive cycle, my understanding of physics, chemistry, biology, English and Hindi….

Can I file a case on these grounds????

3 gone…with the wind…

Playing sports is getting difficult day on day…2488303201_18943ff818

Stinky F-ness rises from this report that paints the pain and sufferings of a footballer, who was meted out a ‘yellow card’ for farting on the field just at the time when a penalty shot was being taken….and the insane referee fined his team 97 pounds for the act….the goalie was shown Red card after he declared the decision as “Worst he had seen in years” and one more poor chap who held his fart…and referee did not like the shocked-shitty look on his face…and he too was out of the field……

Gross injustice I say… these are all natural phenomenon..well beyond control of mortal human…and passing wind is so very natural…after all its just CO2..isnt it there in all cola bottles….

I wonder if they start having referral systems in Football..alike Cricket… surely the poor guy would have contested the decision and referred it…and the third umpire with all technology in the world at his disposal (snickometer, hotspot, hawkeye et al) would have made the correct and natural decision…

Football has so much to learn from cricket….

(image credit:

Name-Game:: Shame Shame!!!

I’ had earlier blogged about weird names here…well seems I am not the only one amused by the strangeness in the way people like themselves to be called, or rather not called

A recent study says:<Link here>

  • The number of people in Britain with surnames like Cockshott, Balls, Death and Shufflebottom has declined by up to 75 per cent in the last century.
  • Number of people with the name Cock shrank to 785 last year from 3,211 in 1881, those called Balls fell to 1,299 from 2,904 and the number of Deaths were reduced to 605 from 1,133

So that means there are 785 Cocks and 1299 Balls… all at loose in Britain. Well shouldn’t the ratio be 1:2 …. some mathematical error I guess…

Now I know why Football, Tennis and Cricket are much more popular in Britain compared to Badminton…Balls outnumber Cocks .. you see

Pyjama Test

pyjama-cricket-1Not a skill test of how fast you can get into or out of your pyjamas, but playing Test cricket in pyjamas…that’s really something <Link here> and that too at night under floodlights….

ECB is considering arranging a test match between England and Bangladesh…no wonder its called Pyjama Test…its B’desh folks….so if the test gets over in 2-3 days, which is B’desh’ forte, would they call it a “Brief” test???

Ohh man…I would love to see this concept taken forward to women cricket….Imagine looking at 13 missies sweating it out… nighties…would be a TRUE TEST for cricketinados like me….

I wanna be the Ump for that game 😉

(image credit: flickr)