WitCrumbs

Category: Bollywood

  • Stayin Alive…..

    The Travel Operators For Tigers (TOFT) has announced that they will present “Lifetime Achievement Award” to two tigers, Machali from Ranthambhore and Sundar aka B2 from Bandhavgarh. <Link here>

    This immediately throws some questions:

    • Are there tigers left in Indian forests?
    • Why in the world would you name a tigress as Machali…. What the Fish…

    Whats more amusing is the basis of these awards:

    “Machali herself earns as much as a top cricketer or Bollywood actress, and it’s critical to recognise these extraordinary economic benefits that come from saving her species in the wild. She literally provides livelihoods for thousands of people from forest guards to wildlife guides, drivers to hoteliers!” says TOFT founder, Julian Matthews.

    I am amused by Mr Matthews comparison of Top Cricketer and Bollywood Actress. Is he inspired by Ms Shetty and Ms Zinta at the IPL in SA? BTW how much tax has she paid…Mr Chidu, are you listening????

    Amazingly, TOFT has calculated that Machali has earned nearly US$100 million (48000 crores) for the Economy since she became a dominant resident female in the Tourism zone of Ranthambhore in 1998 as well as bringing up 11 cubs


    The latter quality of bringing up 11 kids accentuates her chances of excelling in Politics….how about 1st female Finance Minister????

    Like all good stars she even has a Facebook page, has been seen by over 150000 visitors and millions on TV across the globe.

    This worries me to no end…as per my limited knowledge Facebook is a Social Networking Site…but I did not know, millions can view it on TV…yes TV….phewwww…

    ..now we have Sundar aka B2

    B2 has sired over 35 tigers, 90% of which lived to adulthood, The sizable majority of tigers living in Bandhavgarh today are his sons and daughters. B2 has been estimated to have earned US$30m over his 7 year reign

    You are the man..dude….you rock!!!!!

    I am wondering…why did these guys got a Lifetime Achievement Award…Simply because they Stayed Alive????

    Wonder and think….

  • Milking the issue

    O Rediff! O Rediff! how you name your news,

    Always I wonder…the writer is fuse.

    You make Mithun’s dialogues embarrasingly red,

    Do you daily consume fungi laden bread????

    Alright seems I too am not too good at writing, but this particular article forced me in taking this plunge…

    ‘Want a Mallika Shrawat Milkshake?’ umm…a…ahem…yeah why not??

  • Taliban Marriage Bureau-Beast meets the Priest for a Feast…

    Now-a-days Taliban in Pakistan is arranging love marriages <Link here>, this is in addition to their usual responsibility (read KRA) of having a blast or two a day…Wow…but to be eligible for it, the groom has to have a strong background. He should have needlessly killed atleast 20 people, should be expert in ramming bombs at every place around him in short…he should be one among the many F-ing talibs…ohh and well the bride should be any chic…no other criterion required….

    This is what in Management Parlance called “Forward Integration”, if no-one in this world is selling you oil, dig a bore yourself…and then sell it to the world.

    Well, technology is playing its part too….

    “The love marriage aspirants contact the bureau on a fixed telephone number. The Taliban collect their particulars and then contact their families to arrange these marriages”

    Amazing…All the marriage bureau across Pakistan (if there are any)…beware…you’ve got competition on home turf called Taliban Marriage Bureau (TMB)

    On a tangent, from what limited I’ve read and heard, the sheep and goat owners must be having pretty tough times….Afterall their only source of income and pleasure goes away from them, once a Talib lays his ‘love’ filled eyes on the pretty thing…. all courtsey TMB

  • Sunny Deol Bailed out

    At last Sunny Deol has been granted bail  after 12 years in a  case. The news report says that he was charged for “allegedly entering a platform without permission and pulling a train’s emergency chain during shooting of a film”

    Emergency chain… I mean You pull the chain and then the emergency brakes kick in….

    As per the complaint “when the train was about to leave the station, unit members pulled the emergency chain and the train had to wait for additional 25 minutes, affecting the service on the sector”

    Did you notice the delay…25 min..just 25 min…thats f-ing right time in IST….

    Hey by that logic, I have seen Sunny Deol movies all my life…and they have delayed my senses-affecting my nervous system, my digestive cycle, my understanding of physics, chemistry, biology, English and Hindi….

    Can I file a case on these grounds????

  • Michael-Masakkali

    Micheal Jackson has expressed desire to enter in his concerts in London, riding on an African elephant with panthers led on gold chains. Parrots and other birds will fly behind him, he will also perform role of ‘Masakkali’ on the Delhi-6 song… <Link here>

    I admit my-lord..I made up last line… but I was amazed that MJ can FLY….
    This is in addition to the other wonderful things that he can do …which are approximately 21 less than what Rajnikanth could do…

    a glimpse>> he can sweep the floor 360 dg. without moving 1 inch from his place, he can sit in a xerox machine yet the copy would be white…he can change his nose more times then I can bat my eyelids in 3 seconds (well I am mere mortal afterall)…and his ‘befriending attitude towards childern’ is known to one and all… Well ‘Michael in Wonderland’ is all I can say

  • Squabble in the household…

    I wonder what would have happened if there were no Celebrities in this Celestial System…what my dear journos would have done for living and breaking their bread…lemme take a guess…they would have been sleuths/detectives…

    A recent incident to prove their prowess happened in Pitt..err…Jolie..or .err.. Pitjolie [;)] household…
    Apparently Jolie slapped Pitt since he was massaging the nanny of their children….and poor nanny lost her job <Link here>
    Well nothing new in that…but what takes the cake is the ‘fness’ … all in details…

    “She got right in Brad’s face, screaming at the top of her lungs, and told the nanny to get out of her house and never come back. The argument woke up the sleeping twins, who began to cry.”

    I’ve some questions of mine:

    • Did the nanny had any notice period?
    • Did she serve it?
    • What was her package/ C2C? Was she paid any severance allowance?

    On a tangent…Saifeena are India’s answer to Brangelina, since they do not have twins yet,

    • Will they have twins?
    • Will the twins be sub-size zero?

    they might not have a nanny (atleast for Kareena..I assume), so they might have a maid…

    • Will Saif care to give massage to his maid?
    • If Kareena catches Saif in the act, will she scream at the top of her lungs?
    • Does Kareena have lungs?

    My info says Size Zero have 1 lung, 1 kidney, zero brains and…umm…well…no heart??

  • Filmfare & not-so-lovely

    Yesterday the much coveted Filmfare awards were televised and the who’s who of Bollywood were present to revel with the fraternity,.
    However much they deny, but the effect of recession was evident. On every performance, Ms. Zinta would do WoW…whats new in that..right and how is it related to recession?? well on 3rd or 4th instance you’ll spot it. Its the same shot aired after every performance…well Ms Zinta wasn’t alone… ever-so-young Rekha, giggle-machine Ash and big-B.. all were caught in one-expression-shot…

    Of all, the young Lucky from OLLO put the best thank-you speeches of all time to shame with a piece of his…brilliant I say…

    Did we miss Amarsingh…seems he ws busy in giving away ‘awards’ of his own…after all the great indian tamasha is round the corner….