WitCrumbs

Category: F-ness

  • Taliban Marriage Bureau-Beast meets the Priest for a Feast…

    Now-a-days Taliban in Pakistan is arranging love marriages <Link here>, this is in addition to their usual responsibility (read KRA) of having a blast or two a day…Wow…but to be eligible for it, the groom has to have a strong background. He should have needlessly killed atleast 20 people, should be expert in ramming bombs at every place around him in short…he should be one among the many F-ing talibs…ohh and well the bride should be any chic…no other criterion required….

    This is what in Management Parlance called “Forward Integration”, if no-one in this world is selling you oil, dig a bore yourself…and then sell it to the world.

    Well, technology is playing its part too….

    “The love marriage aspirants contact the bureau on a fixed telephone number. The Taliban collect their particulars and then contact their families to arrange these marriages”

    Amazing…All the marriage bureau across Pakistan (if there are any)…beware…you’ve got competition on home turf called Taliban Marriage Bureau (TMB)

    On a tangent, from what limited I’ve read and heard, the sheep and goat owners must be having pretty tough times….Afterall their only source of income and pleasure goes away from them, once a Talib lays his ‘love’ filled eyes on the pretty thing…. all courtsey TMB

  • Sunny Deol Bailed out

    At last Sunny Deol has been granted bail  after 12 years in a  case. The news report says that he was charged for “allegedly entering a platform without permission and pulling a train’s emergency chain during shooting of a film”

    Emergency chain… I mean You pull the chain and then the emergency brakes kick in….

    As per the complaint “when the train was about to leave the station, unit members pulled the emergency chain and the train had to wait for additional 25 minutes, affecting the service on the sector”

    Did you notice the delay…25 min..just 25 min…thats f-ing right time in IST….

    Hey by that logic, I have seen Sunny Deol movies all my life…and they have delayed my senses-affecting my nervous system, my digestive cycle, my understanding of physics, chemistry, biology, English and Hindi….

    Can I file a case on these grounds????

  • 3 gone…with the wind…

    Playing sports is getting difficult day on day…2488303201_18943ff818

    Stinky F-ness rises from this report that paints the pain and sufferings of a footballer, who was meted out a ‘yellow card’ for farting on the field just at the time when a penalty shot was being taken….and the insane referee fined his team 97 pounds for the act….the goalie was shown Red card after he declared the decision as “Worst he had seen in years” and one more poor chap who held his fart…and referee did not like the shocked-shitty look on his face…and he too was out of the field……

    Gross injustice I say… these are all natural phenomenon..well beyond control of mortal human…and passing wind is so very natural…after all its just CO2..isnt it there in all cola bottles….

    I wonder if they start having referral systems in Football..alike Cricket… surely the poor guy would have contested the decision and referred it…and the third umpire with all technology in the world at his disposal (snickometer, hotspot, hawkeye et al) would have made the correct and natural decision…

    Football has so much to learn from cricket….

    (image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/chandramarsono/2488303201)

  • Squabble in the household…

    I wonder what would have happened if there were no Celebrities in this Celestial System…what my dear journos would have done for living and breaking their bread…lemme take a guess…they would have been sleuths/detectives…

    A recent incident to prove their prowess happened in Pitt..err…Jolie..or .err.. Pitjolie [;)] household…
    Apparently Jolie slapped Pitt since he was massaging the nanny of their children….and poor nanny lost her job <Link here>
    Well nothing new in that…but what takes the cake is the ‘fness’ … all in details…

    “She got right in Brad’s face, screaming at the top of her lungs, and told the nanny to get out of her house and never come back. The argument woke up the sleeping twins, who began to cry.”

    I’ve some questions of mine:

    • Did the nanny had any notice period?
    • Did she serve it?
    • What was her package/ C2C? Was she paid any severance allowance?

    On a tangent…Saifeena are India’s answer to Brangelina, since they do not have twins yet,

    • Will they have twins?
    • Will the twins be sub-size zero?

    they might not have a nanny (atleast for Kareena..I assume), so they might have a maid…

    • Will Saif care to give massage to his maid?
    • If Kareena catches Saif in the act, will she scream at the top of her lungs?
    • Does Kareena have lungs?

    My info says Size Zero have 1 lung, 1 kidney, zero brains and…umm…well…no heart??

  • Kill..don’t foot the bill

    The Hon. Supreme Court has made a very intersting ruling ‘Killing another in self-defence is one’s right’.

    Well ‘fness’ emanates from the heading…and I celebrate it…….

    I’d been exercising this right since my kid-hood by killings mosquitoes, rats, cockroaches. With time I graduated to killing chicken and sea-fauna and goat and lamb and pork…well all done in self defense (ummm… lick…burrp…..).

    My lord, all these delicacies were ‘fidayeens’ out there…. and deep down my heart, I have this satisfaction of saving human race….A super-human is born (who wears underpants, under pants)

  • Update-Case Files: Adnan vs Sabah

    Latest update on the Great war: Adnan and wife Sabah are battling it out in court for custody of ‘Rock’….in case you don’t yet know…Rock is a Labrador..a dog….ek kutte ke liye itna jhagda…..he he he…I would say…Adnan-Sabah, u guys ‘Rock’…..

  • Case Files: Adnan Vs Sabah

    Adnan Sami and his marital woes seems to be making all the headlines….
    I am wondering…are they playing a game or they are really so childish…whatever..it gives some resons to smile…

    Here’s the latest one:
    Adnan Sami’s wife lodged another non-cognisable offence complaint against him at Oshiwara police station on Sunday. This time, she alleged that the Pakistani singer had threatened to make duplicate keys of her room.
    “In her complaint, Sabah claimed that Sami asked for the keys from her room. When she refused, he threatened to make a duplicate one”

    Whats next in line….”Police registering case for couple sneezing at each other”

    I love Mumbai Police….